A Close Friend Told Me That They're a Non-Offending Pedophile

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Your friend has trusted you with something that has been deeply buried for a long time. You may be the only person, or one of a very small number they have ever come out to. The fact that they chose you shows how much they trust you.Now that you have heard the news, you can take some time to reflect on what you need to do with this information and what your role should be as their friend.   Depending on your feelings at this stage, some possibilities are:

  • Being a listener. Let them know that you don’t want to intrude, but that if they want to share more, you are ready to hear it.
  • Setting parameters for future conversations. Let them know what more you want to know about in the future, or when it’s possible to discuss it, or whether you want other people to find out you have been told this. Understand what they are comfortable being asked about.
  • Asking them questions. Maybe you are curious about what pedophilia is like for them, and whether this fits with the things you previously heard or assumed about pedophilia.
  • Learning about the topic and seeking other perspectives. Visiting more websites or reading articles, or joining the VirPed Friends and Family forum.
  • Thinking about whether or how this affects your relationship with them. What things could they do in the future that might change things between you?
  • Being a supporter. Let them know you are happy they told you. Find out more about what support resources there are for help if they’re struggling with behaviors or general unhappiness, and don’t know how to find them themself.

Generally, unless there’s an immediate time-sensitive crisis, it makes sense to make these decisions slowly, instead of rushing into any next step. However, bear in mind that if you don’t give any signals to your friend for a long time, this will leave them in a very stressful suspense.

Remember - they are still your friend, the person you knew before. Your relationship has just become more honest.

If you need more personalized answers then you can email us with questions or to ask to join - our forum for friends and family , which sits alongside and overlaps with our main forum for adult pedophiles. 



Firstly, thank you for coming to this website to find out more. Whether this news has made you panic or made you thoughtful, we can hopefully give you some perspective on the secret you now know.

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Our forum is a peer-support community. We help pedophiles anonymously and honestly discuss their experiences and feelings. We don’t allow image sharing, justification of adult-child sexual contact or encouragement of illegal behavior. Moderators enforce these rules. All posts are written in English.

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