Our Life Experiences

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When people contact Virtuous Pedophiles, the message they write comes to us. The people we hear from most are other virtuous pedophiles. Below are some of the initial messages we have received, lightly copy edited and sometimes abbreviated. Reading them will give a flavor of our diversity, the themes that come up over and over again, and the barest hint at how many of us there are.

Note that we do not allow anyone under 18 to join the group, but we do receive email from younger people, and some are included below. (These were all received in the first year after the site went live in June of 2012. Similar emails continue to arrive every day.)

When I was in my late teens I found myself attracted to young teens. I went searching the web for help for those with pedophilia. I only found websites that promoted adult-child sex or that treated all pedophiles as criminals. This very much bothered me. Because of that I was very ashamed of my attraction and at times would become depressed over the years and almost suicidal.

I am in my late 20s and have been dealing with unwanted attraction to young boys since I was a teenager. Though I have never acted on these attractions with anyone, this is my primary sexual attraction, and it bothers me greatly. I have considered suicide many times…

I am a 27yo male attracted to boys only, ages 3 to teens. I am also attracted to men too. I live as a gay man and never have acted on my pedophilia and never will.

I’m a 21 year old pedophile … and was very happy to hear that there was finally an organization out there to support pedophiles that is completely against sex with children.

I am completely against child abuse in any form and would like to add to your numbers.

Hello, I’m a 26yo male pedophile. I’m attracted to preteen boys. I’m also a bit gay. I agree with what you stand for. I do NOT support child molestation or abuse. I want pedophiles to be able to easily get help for their paraphilias and depression.

I’m a law-abiding pedophile interested in joining your listserv. It’s great to see a website like this up. I hope I can support it and its mission in any way possible.

My therapist gave me this link. I consider myself a pedophile and, like yourselves, have not and would never act on it. What you are doing here I believe to be very important. Looking forward to corresponding and learning!

It’s not often you find a site with your views. It’s a shame because I agree with you completely and there should be more sites like this. As you can imagine I am a pedophile. I’m 17 years old and although I’ve only lived with this for 4 years, it’s been a hard journey already. Being this young with this issue has kind of forced me to grow up quick, I guess. I try to have my fun when I can but being what I am, I can’t let my guard down or behave recklessly, which is kind of what being a teenager is all about.

I’m a lifelong British paedophile who has always tried to be ‘virtuous’ and agree with you that, for any number of reasons, any adult/child sexual contact is impossible without at least a very great risk of damage (for a whole variety of reasons) and can and should never be considered as ‘appropriate’.

I came across your website and I personally believe in your views on pedophilia (I am one myself).

Hello. Like many of the people whom I’d imagine frequent this site, I am a pedophile. I have been struggling with this for 2 years … I really can’t seem to think of anywhere I could find help and I was considering suicide for a while, and then I found an article about this site. Just to know that there are others makes me feel a little less alone … I guess what I haven’t said is that I’m thirteen.

Hi. I am a pedophile who never practiced any abuse. I would like to please join your listserv, out of curiosity, if that is OK.

I’m considered a pedophile. I have dreams and thoughts of preteens sexually. Never acted upon the urges. Too scared to download porn online and I can never meet anyone with the same interest. I wouldn’t dare physically try to act out my thoughts but I need help finding people with the same interest before I get myself in trouble.

I am 21, almost 22, and “this” has been something that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I’ve done everything I can to try and understand it, but I don’t know why I have these affections. I’ve spent a lot of time working on accepting myself as a human and not just by my struggle, but sometimes it’s hard. A lot of the time it’s hard. At present, I feel confident in my ability to control things, but especially with everything that’s come out about Sandusky and Penn State, I worry what trying to do it on my own will do for me in the long run.

Thanks for at least acknowledging that some of us aren’t bad guys. Not all good guys wear white, right? I am attracted to girls from about 6-7 on up. While I am married and have a blissful relationship with my wife, there is always that element of attraction to girls. When we’re at the mall or out and about, I look… However, like you, I have never acted upon those feelings. SO I fantasize, I chat online sometimes, but I do know the clear line between reality and fantasy.

I identify as a pedophile who has never offended, and feel that I have nowhere to turn. I am solely attracted to prepubescent girls, and have never been in a successful sexual relationship with a same-age partner, due to a lack of sexual attraction. This is obviously devastating, as I am a young person who should be diving into that aspect of life.

I self-diagnosed myself as a non-contact pedophile in 1979 when I was 23 years old. I had been struggling with my feelings since I was 11 … I do have a moral compass, and would not dream of touching children in real life.

I heard about your group from a Christian site. I have identified as pedosexual (I prefer that word to paedophile because of the connotations of the latter) for many years, but have never molested a child nor do I wish to. However, I do wish to help anyone else who might be in a situation that could lead to some inappropriate or illegal act, or people who are having difficulty coming to terms with their feelings.

I’m experiencing some confusion about my sexual identity and attraction to minors, and I’m interested in hearing more from people dealing with similar issues.

I’m a girl-lover since very, very young. I’m 22 years old and I never harm a girl and I never will… I have a little fear of being near [young girls]. I’m good at university, respected by my classmates and even teachers. I’m Christian and I’m finding help through Christ and this page too. This problem is my nemesis, I cannot be happy for this problem.

I am a non-offender just looking for advice on how to cope with everything.

Hello, I’m 34 years old. I like young girls and boys. I don’t have experiences and I think I will never have them. But I think on them all the time and use my imagination.

I read about some of the pedophile advocacy groups. ‘Man, what some of them think?’ Abolishing age of consent laws and legalizing child sex? These advocacy groups only added insult to injury. I may be a pedophile, but I don’t want to act it out. I love kids so much, I don’t want to do something that would hurt them.

I’m 24 years old and live in South America. I am also a pedophile since my 10th birthday (that I remember). I ended up finding some international community to support pedophiles (boylovers) in the internet … but unfortunately these communities encourage the pedophile and not to seek appropriate treatment, they contend that being a pedophile is right and we do nothing wrong. But my heart always told me to the contrary … The day the world stops seeing us as criminals and starts seeing us as human beings in need of help without judgment is the day we have freedom, and certainly the rate of violence against children will decrease.

I’m solely attracted to very young children. The younger the better in fact. I have not and will not ever act on my desires but it consumes a large part of my life … I was thinking that I was alone and it’s really hard to cope without like-minded men to openly discuss our thoughts.

I’m a pedophile. When I visited this I really didn’t think I would have sent anything, I mean, I’m already able to manage myself quite well and I don’t really NEED support. Still this is the 1st site of the kind I agree with completely, reading your FAQs was like reading my own opinion on the subject, and this was kinda reassuring.

I’ve been living with a sexual attraction to young boys anywhere from 8yo-15yo, and while the desire to have something you can’t is painful and often very lonely I have never touched a boy and I honestly never will. I have complete control over my actions—that is not my problem. Nothing I do can stop how I feel, not church or religion. I’ve tried dating both women and men and it never lasts. I don’t feel the way for them that I do for boys. I’m 26 and I have felt this way since I was 14, and I now know that there is no one for me and no hope to ever be anything but lonely. I’m having a hard time finding reasons to go on living honestly. The only thing keeping me from suicide is knowing my family and friends would be devastated. Living a loveless and lonely life hardly seems worth it, even if it means causing the ones you love pain by leaving them. Then I also wonder how many would still care if they knew how I felt about boys. I want to join to talk to people like me and see how they do it. It also helps to know you’re not alone.

I’m a 29 year old pedophile who’s attracted to 10-15 year old girls. Never acted though. Have no crime record. My family doesn’t know about it. I only have four friends, and they know about it, and have accepted it. This has led to isolation though as my friends live far from me. Can you offer any kind of help? I’m not feeling very well, though I have no economical problems. I just wish people could accept innocent pedophiles the same way they accept homosexuals.

I’m a 16 year old pedophile attracted to boys, I don’t know yet if I’m attracted to women but I’m quite happy with what I am, I’ve come to terms with it and I know I would never hurt a child. I came across your site and appreciated it and thought you might appreciate another member.

I am a 27 year old man living in the US and … I have been sexually attracted to adolescent boys from an early age… I enjoyed a small respite from my torment during the time I spent as a Missionary from age 19-21. Yes, I grew up Mormon, and in addition to these other things I also dealt with serious spiritual guilt. The only safe place I could think to go with someone who would know of resources that could help was a defense lawyer. I found one and he came back with some names of competent therapists, but with the caveat that he wouldn’t send his worst enemy to them with this issue … virped.org was an answer to my prayers. I have been seeking out something like this for so long and here you are. I feel it is important to emphasize that apart from my attractions, I love children for honest reasons as does anyone else… Fortunately, and remarkably, it seems that once I come to know a child personally, have interactions with their families etc., the desires lessen. They do not go away, but this contributes to the many reasons I believe that I never could, nor ever will offend in the real world.

Your organization rings true to me as a hebephile. I’d like to learn more. I’m 38 and never acted on my attraction to boys 13-17.

I am one of those rare female pedophiles … I’m very interested in spreading the idea that pedophiles are not evil and I firmly believe that society has wrongly demonized a group of people based on the actions of a minority within them. However, this is difficult because I do not wish to reveal that I am a pedophile. I just want to help stop discrimination.

I am a 27yo guy and I am attracted mostly to preteen boys (8-13). I understand that any kind of sexual contact with young kids can be potentially hurtful, plus I am terrified of jail and social hatred and therefore have never hurt or done anything illegal with an underage person. Actually I am a 27yo virgin. Lately I have been feeling depressed, more often questioning what is the point in life, it just seems almost impossible for someone like me to ever have a happy fulfilling life… and even though I have a paralyzing fear of being outed as a pedophile (even though I haven’t done anything illegal, the social stigma would destroy what little social and family life I have.) I have been taking small steps towards reaching out to others, I just feel so alone.

I am a young adult who has struggled with an attraction to young girls since I hit puberty. I was and still am quite socially awkward and have a lot of anxiety and still have never had a romantic or sexual relationship. I would never even consider pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship with an underage girl, even though I admit that it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be able to experience that… I have gone through phases of depression and am in a particularly down mood right now and could use someone to talk to.

I am 17 years old and I am a pedophile. My attraction is for young girls 11-14. I’ve never done anything illegal with a young girl and have taken counseling sessions. I know that I might be too young to label myself, but I know this attraction to this age group will not change … I have no intention of ever breaking the law but I can’t help who I’m attracted to.

I’m a celibate pedophile. Thank you so much for starting this group! You are the only organization that’s out there that I would feel comfortable seeking support from when times get hard, due to your hard-line stance that adult-child sex is wrong and will ALWAYS be wrong. Anything aside from this hard-line stance is far too dangerous to everyone involved.

I’m a 16 year old girl who’s interested in little girls, from 3 to around 8. I would like to know if women are also welcome.

I am a pedophile. I have a sexual attraction to girls of all ages as well as adult women, though my preference is for early-pubescent girls. I have never molested a child. I am 25 years old, straight, and I have been married for over 2 years. I am fortunate to have never been ashamed of this attraction and even more fortunate to be capable of normal, adult relationships.

I am 22 years old and I am scared. I have never harmed a child but have constant thoughts about young boys. I am openly gay in my community and I want to know if I will be able to lead a normal life. Please help.

I’m amazed to find something like this. It’s really painful for me to admit my attraction to prepubescent girls, but I’ve spent a long time trying to find answers to my problem; I haven’t found a thing in that regard. I’m only 21, but every damn day now these thoughts fill my head, and I’m ashamed of myself every waking moment. If there was a way to change, I would leap at the chance; alas, no medicine will cure this itch of mine. When I started reading the materials on your site, I was filled with a sense of euphoria. Finally, somebody else understands what it’s like feeling like a monster all the time! Up until that time, I always thought I was alone. I felt my thoughts were inhuman, that I was inhuman. I’ve contemplated suicide a staggering amount of times, and while I can’t say I feel happy or content with myself, I can take comfort knowing others have succeeded in fighting off their urges.

For so many years I had just accepted that there was no way I would ever be able to share this with anyone. My wife knows, sort of, but this secret has been eating away at me for 40 years now. I have never hurt a child and it would be wonderful to join a group of similar-minded men.

I have worked successfully with my pedophile tendency for decades and also never abused a child. I was incredibly moved (to tears in fact) while reading the site—one knows that there are other “virtuous pedophiles” around but as you say one can feel extremely alone (despite wonderful support over the years from my partners, friends and family).

I’m one of these types of people you mentioned. I’ve had this desire since I was 17 and still have these desires for both young boys and girls. I never acted on my desires.

I’m a teenager and am attracted to kids as young as 7 and as old as 13 depending on their looks. Both sexes but preferably male. I don’t think I can ever tell anybody in my family, as I’m too worried that if people know it will prevent me from growing up to have a successful job or do well in my final years of high school. It’s such a sensitive topic, and so many people think that pedophilia is one of the worst crimes in the world, even above murder. But I have not offended, and I wish not to.

Hi. I am a female grad student, well-educated, personable, highly ethical. I have been attracted to girls (pre-teen) since I was one.

I’m looking for ways to help me cope with my illness. I’m a pedophile. I’ve never hurt a child. I’d like to state this first. But after close to 15 years of fighting my sickness I’m tired. I’m looking for a way to purchase drugs that kill desire anonymously over the net, since I don’t know any psychiatrist I can trust with my secret (I’m not living in the USA).

Hi, I am a pedophile. That was so hard to type it’s unbelievable. I’ve known since I was around 12 or 13. I’ve never talked to anyone about it. I am attracted to girls as young as 3. I’ve never harmed a child and it’s the last thing in the world I want, ever. I’m now 20 years old. The attraction has ruined my life so far. … I’m very good with children and love being with them. Everyone says so, I wanted to be a teacher growing up. But underneath it all there’s always been that attraction that pops up unexpectedly. I try and bury it and that works for a few weeks but then it comes back with force and I feel worse than ever. So I quit [a childcare course] and I couldn’t even tell anyone why. They still encourage me to get back into childcare and that is so hard. I’ve had depression since I was around 15 and started being interested in sexual things. I felt like I could never talk about it to anyone and I could talk about other things but never really the true problem. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a long time. I just want to talk to someone who understands without fear, I don’t know what else to do. One thing I noticed about this site is that it focuses on men. I’m a girl.

I am a pedophile. I have sought professional help numerous times and have been turned away. I live in a small community that makes it hard to get face-to-face help.

I’m a 24 year old woman living in South Africa and I am definitely a pedophile. I have never harmed or touched a child, and I never would, but I am battling to refrain from going back to reading erotic pedo stories online … I don’t want to break any laws, I am terrified of anyone finding out. I am disgusted that I’m turned on by this stuff. How do I get help? What do I do? There seems to be help in America, Canada and Germany, but I don’t even live in or near a city.

I have been searching for a place which is genuinely looking to help people with my problem for a while now… I live in the United States and really need help understanding where, and how, to seek therapy for both my problem and the depression it causes.

I’m definitely attracted to young girls and it’s not like I ask for it. It’s hard to find help for this because I assume they’ll report me and look down on me. I never touched a young girl and never will. My resistance is pretty strong though I do have a bad habit of taking quick glances at them but I’ll never get close to them… I wish I just liked women my age and could be normal.

I’m not really at a point where I’m even comfortable saying that I’m a pedophile, but I have no intention of ever acting sexually with or abusing a child, and I have never done so in the past. (…I am assuming fooling around with other boys of your own age when a child doesn’t count.) I am definitely against children and adults engaging in any sort of sexual activity.

I am a pedo and only one of my friends knows the truth but I feel uncomfortable even with him. So I was looking online for support groups where I could stay anonymous.

Hello. I’m a pedophile and would like to join your listserv. I’ve been waiting for something like this to come along for a long time now.

I am a man in my mid-40s and I am a pedophile, in fact I am an exclusive pedophile and have no attraction to adults in any sort of way these days. I am attracted to children from babies up to around 12 years of age max. I just have no attraction to older people anymore… I have been single for the last 10+ years and that is all due to the fact that I am a pedophile. I have never acted out with a child and know that I never will because I just can’t imagine doing so. … I struggle every day but I always get through it. I just wanted to share myself with you folks and hope to help some other pedophiles by not acting out and to just provide support for anyone that needs it.

I am a 40 yr old celibate pedophile. I have spent my whole life denying what I am in order to save children from what I know is inherently wrong. Depression, thoughts of suicide, etc. Denying what would bring me happiness has been my constant struggle to maintain a ’normal’ existence. Please put me on your list so that I might find solace in knowing I am not alone. I know I can never be fulfilled but that doesn’t make it any easier. Finding you feels like a bit of redemption but not much.

I am a 22 year old college student and I am attracted to little girls. I would like to join your ListServ. Love your website already. Nice to know there are people out there struggling just as I am.

Please add me to your listserve. I am a pedophile as well who’s never touched a child and never intends to. I hope I can learn more about this strange inclination that I didn’t choose.

Hello. I’m a pretty virtuous pedophile. What’s on the home page pretty much sums it up. Except I don’t feel so depressed that I think about suicide too much. Though it does suck. But yeah, I am a real pedophile who would never do anything to hurt a child. I love little girls and I would feel horrible if I ever hurt them. And yet I’m attracted to them. Pretty unfortunate.

I’m a fan of the principles behind this community. Sometimes I feel that I am trapped between two kinds of crazy: the black-and-white splitting in the criminal justice community, and the tragically misguided rationalizations on “girl-lover” forums about child abuse. So finding people with a more rational outlook is uplifting. As for me, after many years I’ve come to be in a good place, so I am probably more interested in reaching out to other people. More than anything else, I would like to see compassionate and evidence-based approaches to reducing the incidence of child abuse, especially from within pedophile communities.

For too long I’ve struggled with being attracted to girls that are too young. I am also attracted to grown women, and have never acted on my secret fantasy, and I wish to develop my healthy side and not the other.

I’m a 25-year old self-identified law-abiding MAP from a Muslim-majority country in the Asia-Pacific but not a Muslim myself … I have no idea how people in my country would react if I ever came out.

I am a pedophile. I have known since I was 16 and I am 20 now. I am attracted to girls from about 7 to 11. It has made life kinda hard, but now I am so glad to have found a group, you, that wants to improve the name of non-molesting pedophiles. I want to stay such a pedophile too, I never want to harm a child in any way.

Hi, I am glad I found this site. I am a virtuous pedophile and I have been thinking about it lately, that there must be others like me… I feel that more organizations like this can really make a difference at preventing these horrible crimes, keep up the good work!

I am a 19yo guy and I have been dealing with pedophilic thoughts for some time now, I have never hurt or touched a child in a sexual way and even though I don’t think I am capable of such an act, and I am aware of the damage that would do to a child, I am still afraid I might have it in me to do such a thing. I am scared and full of guilt and anxiety. I have considered suicide… I am asking to join your listserv, for help and guidance. I feel confused and like I don’t know myself or what I am capable of. I do know for certain that I don’t want to be a pedophile and would not wish such a burden on anyone, I just want to live a normal life and be accepted but I am afraid that’s not possible.

Logic told me there were others out there like me. I never believed I was alone in the sense of being unique. However, not knowing anyone like me—someone who is physically attracted to children, but rejects the notion that it’s okay—caused me to feel quite alone. And this, I’m sure you can relate, is a horrible feeling. I so desperately want to connect with others who live their lives bearing this cross without falling under its weight. My cross is becoming heavy…I could use some friends for support.

Hi, I am an 18 year old pedophile who has been resisting the urge to engage with children for as long as I can remember. I am interested in learning about more ways I can help spread the word and help cope with my attraction.

Hello. I am a 15 year old Pedophile who has just been wondering why is the term pedophile synonymous with child molester? I see it all the time even in articles written by professionals. I see other people just like me who try to get advice online only to get ostracized and treated like a monster. It just makes it less likely for them to seek treatment. People act like every single Pedophile has molested somebody which is clearly not the case. Why is this ingrained in their minds? Is it a panic defense or what?

Hey, I’m a distressed pedophile looking for some support and was interested in joining your listserv. I have never touched a child sexually before but the fact that I am exclusively attracted to children causes me a great burden every day. I come in hope that there is another solution to my problem other than putting a bullet through my head.

I am in my 60s, been married twice, and yet I find I am almost exclusively excited by young girls. If I had to explain why, I would say it was just obviously a fact – that young girls are the most beautiful and alluring creatures in our world… I fully understand the need not to make sexual advances to young girls, of course, and I have never done that… I can’t help the attraction, and it isn’t evil.