You’ve discovered something that your parent most likely had no plans to tell you. There could be many reasons why they haven’t told you, for instance:
- They think you’re too young
- They are afraid how you would take it.
- Something happened in their past that they are worried you will connect this to.
- They are worried that you will grow anxious and start to search for possible clues that they acted inappropriately with you in the past.
- They just wouldn’t ever tell anyone.
There are different ways you might have found out, perhaps you:
- Found out that they are a part of support communities for pedophiles or engage with a therapy program for pedophiles.
- Someone that knew about them decided to tell you without their permission.
- Found legal pictures of children on their electronic devices.
If somebody told you about this without your parent’s permission, why did they tell you? What other information did they give you and will they talk about this more?
You will have feelings about what you discovered, for example:
- You’re shocked, and you can’t think about this now.
- You’re shocked, but you want to think and learn more, but not talk to your parent.
- You’re not really surprised, because there have been things in the past that now make sense
- You start second guessing your childhood and whether your parent might have abused you
- You want to talk to your parent as soon as possible about what you have discovered.
There is nothing wrong with pausing and taking the time you need to consider your next move. There is no emergency if nobody seems at risk.
If you’re now second guessing whether abuse might have happened in your childhood, then it is important that you take time to think about it and not make any rushed decisions. Reaching out for therapeutic help to sort out thoughts and worries is a good idea in this situation.
If you found legal pictures of children on their phone and computer, we understand that might be disturbing. However, it may help you to learn more about how non-abusing pedophiles cope with their attractions in this and similar ways.
You could start by reading through our resources to learn more, reach out to us for advice, or potentially join our forum for friends and family Alternatively you could look for an independent person, like a counsellor via an organization such as ASAP International
Once you have taken time to think, you may then feel ready to talk to your parent about what you now know. If you want to do this, it is important to think about how you approach them. There will be reasons they haven’t told you, and being confronted about it might produce difficult reactions.
We don’t know how your parent will react to you starting a conversation. Some pedophiles in this situation are too afraid and may deny or cover up. However, others will open up. This may depend on whether they think they will immediately get into trouble, or lose their relationship with you. Many pedophiles do not talk about their attractions until it feels somewhat safe to do so.
If your parent confirms you are right and that they are a pedophile, you can check out our page about what to do if your parent comes out to you . There is also some advice from Talking for Change about what to do if someone comes out to you .
If you are comfortable giving more details about your specific situation, you can email us with questions or to ask to join our forum for friends and family , which sits alongside and overlaps with our main forum for adult pedophiles.
Firstly, thank you for coming to this website to find out more. Whether this news has made you panic or made you thoughtful, we can hopefully give you some perspective on the secret you now know.
Our forum is a peer-support community. We help pedophiles anonymously and honestly discuss their experiences and feelings. We don’t allow image sharing, justification of adult-child sexual contact or encouragement of illegal behavior. Moderators enforce these rules. All posts are written in English.
When people contact Virtuous Pedophiles, the message they write comes to us. The people we hear from most are other virtuous pedophiles. Here are some of the initial messages we have received. Reading them will give a flavor of our diversity, the themes that come up over and over again, and a hint at how many of us there are.
Read about the life experiences of virtuous pedophiles
Our panel of VirPed forum members spent 2024 answering questions about pedophlia-related issues based on their life experiences and answered questions from the curious.