I’m a twenty year old man who has been trying to deal with an attraction to young girls since I was thirteen. Women just don’t interest me. I wish with all my soul that I could have a brain that’s wired normally. I know that I can never act on what I feel, but I need to speak to a therapist because I don’t think I can get through this on my own. But if I talk to a therapist he could report me, because I have to talk about my attraction to young girls. I don’t know whether he would or not, and don’t even know how to go about getting more information. Even the friendships I have are in danger of falling apart because I can’t just keep saying ‘I’m fine’ and I can’t talk to anyone about my problem. I think about suicide a lot.
Anonymous pleas like this show up constantly on the web. This man is what we call a virtuous pedophile—virtuous because he is not going to do anything illegal with a real child. The creators of this site are also virtuous pedophiles. There are many of us, but few people know we exist.
Virtuous doesn’t mean we think we’re better than the average person, just that we’re not worse. We have been dealt a hand by life: we do not choose to be attracted to children, and we cannot make that attraction go away, but we can resist any intention of abusing children sexually.
Nevertheless, to admit our condition is to invite suspicion, hatred and social ostracism. We are despised for having a sexual attraction that we did not choose, cannot change, and which we successfully resist.
This hatred has its costs, both to children and to non-abusing pedophiles themselves. Many of us don’t seek professional help because of the shame involved in admitting to therapists that we are sexually attracted to children.
Think how many cases of abuse would be avoided if pedophiles who were dedicated to resisting their attractions were treated with sympathy and respect, and were therefore more willing to seek professional help in order to remain law-abiding.
Think of the cost to non-abusing pedophiles themselves. Many of us are are depressed, and even suicidal, because we know that even though we stay virtuous, we are still likely to be hated for what we are.
Imagine if it was your child who had grown up unfortunate enough to be attracted to children. According to leading scientists, there is approximately a one percent chance of this happening, no matter how good a parent you may be.
What would you want for your child in this situation? Would you want them to be alone, full of self-hate, forced to bear this burden without help? Or, instead, would you want your child to be treated with sympathy and respect, to have access to help so they could live a happy, productive and law-abiding life?
We hope to reduce the stigma attached to pedophilia by letting people know that a substantial number of pedophiles do not molest or exploit children, and to provide peer support and information about available resources to help pedophiles lead happy, productive lives.
What is pedophilia? Aren’t all pedophiles child molesters? What is the difference between ‘pedophile’ and ‘MAP’? What causes pedophilia? Is pedophilia a mental illness? Why should anyone but a pedophile care about pedophiles? What types of therapy are available for pedophiles? Why do so few pedophiles seek treatment? How could society change to make things better?
Our panel of VirPed forum members have all written on social media sites in the past about their life experiences and answered questions from the curious. If you ask a question here we will pass it on to them and share their answers on this page.
When people contact Virtuous Pedophiles, the message they write comes to us. The people we hear from most are other virtuous pedophiles.
Here are some of the initial messages we have received. Reading them will give a flavor of our diversity, the themes that come up over and over again, and a hint at how many of us there are.
A list of the key articles, books, audio and video that have been published about virtuous pedophiles by mainstream writers and producers since we started out publicising our existence.
We’re always glad to hear about people researching the matter of non-abusing pedophilia, but we get a lot of approaches. Read more for how we handle that.
Ender was a moderator of the VirPed forum for some years, and also the founder of MAP Support Club. He has now retired from ‘maptivism’, but this is a classic post he once wrote on our forum that became one of his first articles to be published on Medium (which later removed all his writings).