I'm a Pedophile and I Want to Kill Myself

Unfortunately, we hear this a lot. We have sometimes felt this way ourselves, too.

Thoughts of suicide are common among pedophiles and we have heard many sad tales of completed suicides. If you are a pedophile who is feeling suicidal, contact an organization like ASAP International .

We are not sure whether to recommend the generic suicide helplines in your country. We don’t think the people on them will have training on how to handle a disclosure of pedophilia.

Getting an accurate count of pedophile suicides would be very difficult. Most pedophiles remain hidden, and there’s no reason a pedophile would reveal their attraction in a suicide note. If they do, it might well never be publicized.

Many risk factors come with being a pedophile: isolation from others, inability to safely seek psychological help, no prospect of a satisfying love or sexual relationship, the need to keep a big secret, a knowledge that you would be despised and shunned if your secret got out, and self-hatred.

We have heard from relatives of pedophile suicide victims. Here are excerpts from their emails:

My husband was a Virtuous Pedophile but I did not know it while he was living. I wish he would have shared with me as we were married for 21 years and have two children. Sadly, we lost him to suicide. I can’t express how saddened I am knowing now that my husband suffered so much and I wasn’t able to help him.

My husband (of 19 years) DID commit suicide, and I only found out 9 months afterward that he had been attracted to very young boys.

A friend lost a brother to suicide and then learned that this was the reason. Almost no one knows, including most of the family.

I have a fantastic set of old 45s from original artists like the Beatles and Steppenwolf, and vague memories of the cool, great guy who gave them to me and our friendship with him. It was long after I got the records and I was old enough to understand that my mom told me the story that follows. My mom had a way about her so that people always confided in her. She felt incredible guilt that when our friend gave me the records and also offered us a bike and stereo, my mom didn’t see the signs that he was giving away his belongings because he wasn’t going to need them anymore. He’d talked many times with my mom of suicide as a result of his pedophilia, and that he’d rather die than hurt a child. She did her best to talk him out of it, but he hanged himself. This was a good person who maybe, if he’d lived in the internet age and had a forum like this with other people to relate to, could have come to terms with himself and not felt so alone, so helpless. It hurts my heart still.

People accused of child porn/CSAM possession are at an elevated risk of suicide. The US Senate aide Jesse Loskarn was one notable case.

Noted dancer and choreographer Paul Christiano killed himself because he found he could not live with restrictions on his life from being on the sex offender registry. He had bought one set of pictures over ten years earlier.

We can offer remedies for some of the factors that could make a pedophile suicidal. You are not doomed to molest children.

You can join a community of others who will understand what you are going through—many of whom have lived for decades without molesting children and have achieved some measure of peace or happiness. We may also be able to help you find a therapist you can talk to safely.