VirPed Panel: 03 March 2024

“Mexican Girl” asks:

What are your opinions on POCD? Did you first think it was POCD if you were in denial about being a pedophile? What made you think it wasn’t POCD? Can someone have POCD and be a pedophile at the same time?

I’ve never been diagnosed, but I’m certain I have OCD. I suffer with some amount of anxiety from it. I get intrusive thoughts. When I say that, I mean the kind of intrusive thoughts about knives and my oesophagus.

The first time I ever heard POCD was a thing, it was a major step to me accepting that my paedophilia was forever. I knew in my heart it couldn’t be POCD, because I’d spent a long time being very comfortable with my sexuality, while simply denying that it was paedophilia. I was a lolicon, you know? And that was ok, in the mind of 14-year-old me.

The only thing that made me anxious about my paedophilia was the world surrounding me telling me it wasn’t right.

I only heard of the concept of POCD after joining virped. I had already accepted that the term pedophile simply applied to my feelings and history.

Issues with POCD are whether we can diagnose it and if we can, can the forum be be helpful or do they need a therapist with specific expertise and experience. Many think they can diagnose it, but others like me, often have doubts. It is common for people making their first post and indicating a concern that they don’t know whether or not they’re a pedophile. I think that generally it’s best for them to read the section on POCD and other posts and draw their own conclusions.

I’m not sure how to have an opinion about POCD other than I feel bad for those who have it. They seem more distressed by it than I do about being an actual pedophile. I did not ever think I had POCD. Once I realized I was a pedophile I had no doubt. I knew I was attracted to little girls before I realized that it made me a pedophile. I think someone with POCD is more concerned about the label than the actual attraction. I never cared about the label until I realized it applied to me. Now my focus is on helping others to realize that it does not mean I’m inherently a bad person. Yes, I think it’s possible for someone to be a pedophile and have POCD, though I think the combination is very rare. I know one person who claims to have both. I find it hard to understand, but I take him at his word.

I’m far from an expert on POCD, and I really don’t know what to say to them sometimes. I didn’t even know it was a thing until I joined VirPed. When I discovered my attractions, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I was indeed attracted to children as opposed to some obsession that I was worrying about. Those with POCD spend far more energy worrying about a potential attraction to children as opposed to actually being attracted to children, and I’ve learned that they do more harm than good to themselves by being on VirPed, because support communities like VirPed are designed to help actual pedophiles, and the kind of help that those with POCD need is very different. All VirPed will do is fuel their obsession and make things worse for themselves.

Is it possible for someone to be a pedophile and have POCD? Maybe, but it’s really not something you see at VirPed.

I think it’s very unfortunate, and I feel bad for those suffering from it. I have talked to a few people who have visited us for their POCD. Talking to us only seems to make it worse. I didn’t think I had POCD at first, but I did think I might be able to get therapy by saying I thought I had POCD. That never wound up happening (there are barriers like time, money, etc between me and therapy). I was in denial about being a pedophile, though. I refused to put that name to it or acknowledge it, but the fact that I am attracted to childish traits wouldn’t let me deny it forever. Some of our members report having pedophilis and POCD, though I will not that the anxiety that comes from Pedophilic Disorder can look quite a bit like POCD, especially if a person is prone to obsessive/compulsive spirals and anxiety.

When I first realised I was a pedophile I had never heard of pedophile OCD. In fact I doubt the term was even invented then.

But it never occured to me that it was anything other than pedophilia.

Intrusive thoughts feel like they come from outside, are unwelcome and hard to control or put aside. That’s what makes them intrusive. I know this because I often used to get intrusive thoughts about other things than children (ideas about suddenly doing something taboo or disgusting or that would hurt someone).

With my attraction to children it’s something that’s always lowkey there, but it doesn’t force its way to the front: I can focus on it if I’m in the mood or I can put it in a little box and ignore it if I’m not.

So the difference has always been very clear to me. I have spoken to one or two pedophiles who say they also have POCD, and so I know the two things can happen in the same person. People are complicated.

I hadn’t ever heard of pedophile OCD (which really apparently stands for Pure OCD? I had no idea), until back about 10 years ago in 2014 when I made a post about it on our forums. I’m a somewhat older pedophile so I dealt with this back approximately 30 years ago. I had always been somewhat obsessive, but my attraction to children was never a pure worry that was completely unfounded. I literally fell in love with a small child when I was in my teens, so that precludes me from the vaunted status of worrying about being a pedophile but not actually being one. I envy these individuals.