VirPed Panel: 16 June 2024

“Chanel” asks:

Do you have any other stigmatized paraphilia/kink (i.e. attraction to animals, BDSM)? If so, how have they/do they interact, and do you think having those other interests and/or participating in community with others of those interests has helped or harmed you in your journey with your pedophilia?

I do not have any other stigmatizing paraphilias. One is more than enough.

It’s not just that I only have paedophilia, and don’t have any other paraphilias or kinks. Paedophilia is the only thing where I’m in a minority or am in any way oppressed. I’m a straight white cisgender man in an English-speaking country and I didn’t grow up in poverty. It’s very weird to relate to and get along so well with minorities, while also not being able to tell anyone why that is. My friends (who are mostly queer) say I have asexual vibes. It’s a weird life.

I’ve had a child spanking fetish since I was in middle school, as I recall. I can only speculate as to the cause. It seemed weird to me as I hated the idea of any real life kids being hit. I felt I might be unique in the world. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I really had no interest in sex. So, in the absence of the internet, I had a difficult time figuring myself out. I tended to just ignore it all or wait until the phase was over. Eventually, I realized that I had an emotional and romantic attachment to kids. I was quite capable of falling in love with them, when my guard was down. After the advent of the internet, I determined that my fetish and attractions were very common.

My paraphilias, or more specifically fetishes, intersect with my pedophilia but also can’t be separated from them. As an exclusive pedophile, I have no interest in BDSM with adults, but I’ve incorporated it into some of my fantasies with children.

Unless there’s something waiting to be discovered, I don’t have any other paraphilias.

I don’t accept that pedophilia is a paraphilia – at least it’s not something to accept without discussion. As an attraction to all aspects of people of a certain age (and gender), pedophilia looks more like a sexual orientation than a paraphilia, viewed scientifically. It does not qualify if “sexual orientation” is taken to be a political phrase construed to include that same-sex adult relationships are just fine. “Sexual interest” has been suggested for pedophilia as a way to capture the scientific intention while excluding the political meaning.

So I would say I have no interesting paraphilias at all.

I am mostly a pedophila/nepiophile. I have an interest in using children’s words and concepts for sex-related things, including urination, as a young child’s concept closely related to sexuality. I’m also nonexclusive, and a key component of fantasy about adult women is impregnation, which can be called a fetish, I guess, or instead perhaps internalizing psychologically Darwin’s ideas of fitness. But “no interesting paraphilias” would seem a fair summary.

Who can think of all the paraphilias to choose from? Here’s a menu, though it’s imperfect. How could “gynephilia” be considered a paraphilia, especially if “androphilia” isn’t listed?

I have no other paraphilias other than Hebephilia (boys aged 12-14 or more specifically puberty tanner stages 2 and 3). I am checkered meaning I am also slightly attracted to adult women, but hebephilia is my only paraphilia.

I have “multiple paraphiliac” in my signature for a good reason LOL. To name just a few other than pedo/hebe/ephebophilia: podophilia (feet), sadomasochism, and exhibitionism. This is nowhere near the full list, but it would be easier to say what I’m not into than to list everything that I enjoy. They do interact with my minor attraction as far as fantasies go (for a very tame example, fantasies specifically about children’s or teens’ feet). I feel like even in spaces such as Virped, having “unusual” sexual proclivities is ironically stigmatized, but I don’t think of it as having more than a neutral effect.

I’m also ABDL and into other kinds of age regression, alongside minor attraction. In fact, I was consciously interested in diapers and infantile treatment (nonsexually) aged 4, a decade before I realised my sexual attractions to kids. In some ways ABDL feels like the more fundamental part of my personality.

Infantilism and ageplay intersect with pedophilia, because both can involve a lot of interest in the trappings of childhood, and children’s life experiences.

Since I was 21, I have done a lot of ageplay fantasy with other consenting adults, and invariably in these interactions I would imagine myself as the kind of child to whom I’m attracted. I’d also imagine my ageplay partner to be that kind of child.

It’s not clear to me how many of my ageplay partners were similarly imagining and being sexually excited over the thought of children as opposed to childlike things or just the thought of dressing as or being treated like a child. It’s definitely true that a lot of committed ageplayers do their best to resemble little boys or gilrs, using clothes, shaving and behaviour.

Through ageplay I have been able to interact with adult partners who bring a childlike inner self forward for the kind of attention a child might want: cuddles and care. Sometimes this is mixed up with wanting sexual attention too, so that can fulfil my emotional (but unrealistic) wish to interact with a child in those ways. Willing suspension of disbelief is required (especially when playing out these fantasies in person with someone over 30) but it does push a lot of the buttons I have as a pedophile without ever involving a real child. And I’m fortunate that I can have attraction to adults as well as kids.

So overall, yes, it has helped me a lot in my journey with pedophilia. I would also say that a lot of pedophiles are discreetly involved in the ABDL and ageplay communities (I’ve encountered a lot at this point), and so it’s been a good way to find people with common interests, outside of any illegal activities.

A downside is that pedophilia is so stigmatised within ageplay communities (for both optics and moral panic reasons) that it’s impossible to have any sensible community discussion about any of the above with ABDLs or ageplayers, and many pedophiles remain closeted from each other (even after sharing pretty clearly pedophilic fantasies) because of the fear of exposure.

I have many kinks, but the one I do have more strongly than any of the others is somnophilia - the attraction to sleeping people, both women or girls.

I don’t act upon it except with consent of an adult partner. With normal sex, it can sometimes be hard to finish, but this is never a problem with somnophilia, so I suppose it’s quite a strong one.

It’s been difficult for me to internally accept this paraphilia as well as other kinks. I think I have repressed a lot of my sexuality in a very broad manner in order to ensure children are protected over the years, as I’ve always had a fairly high libido. I’m working on developing a healthier relationship with my kinks/paraphilia that are legal with consenting adult partners.

I don’t personally view my pedophilia as a paraphilia or a kink, though I do have some kinks. I enjoy oversized genitals, male pregnancy, and my biggest one is probably mind break/mind control/hypnosis. I’m not sure if any of those are stigmatized quite the same way that pedophilia is, but that’s what I’ve got.

I’ve always struggled to separate paraphilia and kink, and I would not call my pedophilia either of them. Pedophile is my sexual orientation and I am also exclusive which means that I am only attracted to children. In my case, boys. My fantasies never include any other adult, only me. All my sexual interests are only with boys, and the things I do consider kinks are only things I find hot when done with boys. (In fantasy, of course.) I only have two kinks that I call kinks, because I feel that they are what is most outside of what most people enjoy. I have a strong fascination for the act of rimming. In all my fantasies, rimming is present where I am the one doing it. Secondly, I am also into watersports (playing with urine) where I am the recipient, so to speak.

Lots of pedophiles are also autopedophiles where they imagine themselves as young again. This could be in very varying degrees. I don’t have such fantasies often, but sometimes I do. When I actively engage with that kind of fantasy I imagine myself as young me where I have knowledge of pedophiles’ existence and I actively seek out these people wanting to have sex with them. Or well, be used by them. That particular kink/fantasy is an outlier for me, as I am usually very dominant in all other fantasy scenarios whereas here I go full submissive.

As I mentioned above, my other kinks interact with my pedophilia exclusively, meaning that my kinks do not go outside of my exclusive pedophile orientation. I have not participated in communities for these interests, even though I am certain there exists communities for especially watersports. The reason for that is because those communities would guaranteed only be focused on doing such activities with other adults, which again is of no interest to me. I do not think having those other kinks affected my journey, maybe only to a tiny degree. I do remember being 17, heavily depressed and self-loathing after the discovery of being a pedophile. Whenever I had fantasies, I would always hate myself for them, and I found it even more shameful when I had fantasies with watersports. Luckily I do not feel that way anymore.

Beyond my primary attraction to young boys, I do have other kinks. Domination/submission is the biggest one; everything else is a manifestation of that. I don’t know how stigmatized this is in society in general, in part because my friends are pretty progressive, and in part because I don’t interact with BDSM communities since I am largely not attracted to adults. I’ve considered trying relationships with adults that focus on BDSM as a way to potentially arouse me enough to interact sexually, but only if I can be honest about myself.

All of which is to say: my primary attraction is to boys. Within those fantasies, I have kinks, but those kinks are not particularly looked down upon in the pedophile communities I’ve been in, so I haven’t run into any additional problems because of them!

I wouldn’t call this a stigmatized kink, but I do have a tickling fetish, which has been the dominant theme of my fantasies about children ever since I discovered my attractions at thirteen. I’m also sex-repulsed, in that I’m not interested in penetrative sex, so for a long time I didn’t even think I was a pedophile because my fantasies didn’t appear to be explicitly sexual. So in that respect, my kink has shaped how I perceive my pedophilia. I’m turned off by some things a lot of other pedophiles are interested in (fantasy wise), and my fantasies include things that other pedophiles wouldn’t fantasize about. I don’t think having a tickle fetish has impacted my journey with my pedophilia in any obviously positive or negative way, it just made the journey slightly different. In addition, I also have strong autopedophilic feelings, which means that I fantasize about me being in my physical childhood body with my adult mind. These fantasies can be purely physical/sexual, or they can also include having the lifestyle of a child. Autopedophilia seems to be more common across the community than my tickling fetish, though I’m not sure if my autopedophilic feelings are caused by being a pedophile, or just a general dislike of being an adult and wanting to be a child again. My fantasies tend to be very child-like (with the tickling) so perhaps there’s a little bit of age regression involved.

These fetishes/kinks don’t really count as paraphilias, and they’re certainly not nearly as stigmatized as being a pedophile (well, perhaps certain autopedophilic fantasies might be). And on that note, I wouldn’t classify pedophilia as a kink or paraphilia either. It’s not an “extra”, it’s a entire sexual orientation. It completely defines the group of people who I’m sexually and emotionally attracted to. I don’t think there’s any evidence to suggest that pedophiles are more or less likely to have any amount of paraphilias, kinks and/or fetishes compared to non-pedophiles.

I have podophilia, (attraction to feet), interestingly enough I only find individuals feet attractive who fall within my age of attraction.

I don’t experience any physical attraction to adults, yet am attracted to children so I don’t fall into any sexual orientation category. I don’t see pedophilia as a paraphilia because I’m physically and emotionally attracted to children and the paraphilia that I do have only applies to children.