VirPed Panel: 04 August 2024

“Anonymous” asks:

Are you more intensely attracted/more prone to fantasizing than the average person, when they see people they’re attracted to out and about?

I absolutely do as a hypersexual, not as a MAP. Sex is often on my mind. I think it can be harmful in the sense it can get in the way of things, but outside of that, its mostly in the background. Happens a lot when I try to sleep however…

How should I know if I fantasize about sex more than the average individual? The average individual fantasizes about sex a whole lot. So do I as a young, 30-something male. I might feel more sexual frustration as there are no good, legal outlets for me to find sexual relief. Perhaps people who experience sexual frustration might think about sex more often, but without actual research to back up that notion, I don’t put any weight behind it.

I can’t say that I really know very much about the average person, so have no baseline to compare. Do I fantasize a fair bet about children I’m attracted to? Sure. It’s kind of all I have. I’m not prepared to cast judgment on myself or moralize as to whether I fantasize too much. I have very little contact with kids these days. To quote the Everly Brothers (I’m aging), All I have to do is dream.

It’s interesting that the question refers to when you “see people they’re attracted to out and about”. You can also fantasize about people you see through images, for instance online with movies, various video channels, and public performers. Some people are more comfortable fantasizing about such “arm’s length” people rather than ones they see in person, especially if they have an ongoing relationship with them.

Like others, I don’t know how to compare my fantasy level to that of muggles (ordinary folks). One difference is that muggles can often find a real partner to have real sexual encounters with, so there is less need for fantasy. Another is that the most common encounters that partners like, notably PIV intercourse, don’t require any sort of elaborate fantasy. (“You’re hot.” “So are you.” “Want to do it?” “Yeah, let’s do it!”). If (like me) you fantasize about prepubescents and want to imagine your partner as willing and happy, some unrealistic fantasy is required. There are various possibilities, so perhaps that’s more of an invitation to creative fantasy than required with adult partners.

I’ve started having more fantasies after learning and accepting that I’m a MAP. I can’t say whether it’s more or less than the average person. In fact, I don’t even think I had fantasies before realising I was a MAP…

My fantasies are about children made up in my head, though. I do see pretty girls out and about, but I don’t fantasise about them at all.

I don’t really know how often the average person fantasizes, so it’s difficult to say.

All I do know is that I fantasize a lot, each and every day. Whether it’s over girls I see when out and about (and I don’t get out and about much, and have practically zero contact with girls these days), some legal images that I’ve seen online, maybe a little girl on a TV holiday advert, or even a memory of days gone by. I’m fine and happy with all of these and use them as my safe means of release.

The trouble is that people at work don’t come in on Monday and say they had a heavy weekend of sexual fantasy. Maybe they did, but not enough people are going to discuss this with me such that I get an idea of what the average person’s typical fantasy level is.

I have definitely used fantasy a lot in the past (in my teens to thirties) and still do a fair bit today, but not at the same level any more. Back then, I would sometimes put aside a whole evening for it maybe more than once a week and sometimes I would prioritise it over other parts of life. I would get really detailed about the characters and scenarios I was imagining and generally took it pretty seriously, almost like a hobby. At certain times, though, I’d get wound into work or a book or a box set or a nonsexual hobby and not give fantasy much thought except for 10 minutes at the end of a tiring day. So it varied a lot.

Nowadays, a lot of the novelty has gone out of it, and it tends to be short-lived when it happens. That’s OK. Sometimes I miss the intensity of imagining that I had when I was young, but I can’t say that it ever felt like the best possible use of my time, even though it was very gratifying in the moment.

There’s a difference between attraction and fantasy. I don’t think “intensely attracted” even means much of anything. The feelings of attraction that pedophiles have for children is similar to the feelings of attraction that teleiophiles have for other adults. The “intensity” of my attraction to children is the same as the “intensity” of your attraction to adults.

But I suppose what you really mean is how often I fantasize compared to the average person, which isn’t exactly the same thing (neither is impulse control). The answer is that I have no idea, because we can’t mind read and nobody has any clue what the average number/length of sexual fantasies for the population. There’s a case to be made that pedophiles would be more prone to fantasies because, unlike teleios, we don’t get the chance to act on our attractions with people who we’re attracted to. It makes logical sense that we’d be more fantasy prone, but there’s no real way to prove it.

I tend to fantasize at least once a day, though only sometimes do the fantasies become intense enough for me to get a release (usually because I’m busy/distracted with something else). Is that more than average? Less? About the same? I might get different answers to that question depending on who I ask.

I might acknowledge that someone is attractive in the moment, but I don’t go home and think about that person to fantasize. I’d say it’s probably something I think about less than some, and less than average in general, I suppose.

We answered a similar question a few weeks back, and it’s certainly difficult to tell whether we are or do anything more or less than the average person, because how can we really know what the average person is or does? Either way, my anecdotal experience tells me that I do fantasize more than the average person, and I do think that goes for a lot of pedophiles. Why? It’s a simple answer in my mind. The average person don’t need to use their imagination nearly as much as we do, because they have legal outlets like pornography, and more importantly they can in many cases have sex with the person they’re attracted to. We can’t, and neither do we have many outlets. So we result to using our imagination.

I’d say my attraction in general is also rather intense, but not in an uncontrollable way. I really really really like to look at boys, because I find them extremely attractive. That doesn’t make me a danger to them. I see a boy I like, and I go home and think about him.