Info
The below are answers given by selected members of the VirPed forum who are all pedophiles. They are speaking for themselves and not for the organization.
Scaling Enthusiast asks:
For exclusive pedophiles, how do you deal with it? I know people with incredibly unusual or taboo paraphilias and most couldn’t resist acting upon it in reality in some way, shape or form. Considering this is pedophilia we’re talking about, I can’t think of any safe hands-on avenues for venting.
It’s a misconception that pedophiles have difficulty controlling ourselves. Pedophilia isn’t just a taboo kink or paraphilia, it’s a lot more akin to a sexual orientation, especially for us exclusives as our attraction to children is our entire sexuality. We have an emotional/romantic attraction to kids as well as a physical/sexual one, and we fall in love with them just like teleiophiles fall in love with other adults. Do you have an uncontrollable urge to rape any adult that you see? Of course not (I hope). It’s the same with us: being attracted to children doesn’t mean we have an uncontrollable urge to molest them.
There are ways to relieve the tension, or enjoy our attractions, in ways that don’t harm real children, even if it’s not the “real” thing. We have our own fantasies, and many of us use erotic fiction or drawn/CGI material involving children. We can enjoy kids in movies, shows and YouTube videos without harming any real kids. Over the years I have learned to accept my attractions and enjoy the moments of seeing a cute kid out in public or in a movie, without feeling distressed or thinking that I’m going to molest them. I have also worked with kids in the past and continue to volunteer with them alongside my current job, and I haven’t come close to molesting any of the children who I volunteer with. I can appreciate and enjoy the fun times with them, and not engage in any form of inappropriate behaviour.
Another outlet I’ve discovered is developing an emotional bond with a fellow anti-contact MAP who shares my age of attraction, to the point where we are in a relationship together. Despite being exclusive, we enjoy being intimate with each other, and from an outside perspective, we look like a regular gay couple. Getting to talk about our attractions, fantasies etc with each other definitely makes things easier.
People need to learn that we aren’t ticking time bombs waiting to pounce on the nearest child. We’re genuine people with our own moral compass, and most of us are horrified at the thought of causing potential damage to a child. That, more than anything else, is what keeps me from molesting a child: the desire to not be responsible for harming a child is far stronger than any sexual desire I have for them.
As an exclusive MAP, life can be challenging. Although I have a strong attraction I have never felt a need to act on it physically with a minor. Never. Which some people struggle to understand. But I know that just because I want something does not mean I should have it, and I certainly understand minors cannot consent. That does not mean I am without sexual urges. I vent through reading erotic stories or watching young actors on legal TV. I suppose it is not perfect, but it seems to be the best I can do.
As an exclusive MAP you have to accept you cannot get your needs met directly, and that you are never going to have an authentic sexual and romantic relationship with anyone. That is a bit sad, but I still think it can be a great life. I am married to someone who knows my attractions but has no sexual demands on me. We get along well. Life is still good. The hard times for me were my twenties and thirties where I was out to no one and felt so inauthentic. It also distresses me to know so many hate people just like me simply because we were born.
Masturbation works fine. Also, not really caring all that much about sex in the first place.
“I can’t think of any safe hands-on avenues for venting”.
Hands on? Yes, i agree. I’m 100% exclusive, but have never considered any form of acting out sexually with a child and am totally confident I never will. I assume that the word “venting” refers to achieving some degree of sexual satisfaction. For me, that has always included stories, drawings and images of real children. And that has become problematic in trying to keep up to what used to be legal, but may no longer be so. Every year, legal restrictions tighten. Some are addicted to images. Some just have little else. Is that frustrating? Indeed.
As an entirely exclusive MAP, yeah, it’s hard emotionally. I have strong emotional and physical attractions to pre-teen boys; they are my sexuality basically. I have no attraction to adults. I say this so you understand what I mean by my orientation. I have not and will not molest a child; I love them too much to risk them to getting harmed, so I’m left with fantasy and what I can get out of masturbation. That helps with the physical attraction but I have nothing for the emotional attraction - the need to hug/to be hugged by a boy, to be in their close proximity, to date them etc. For that I have no outlet, besides the occasional times I may see them in public. Is that enough? No. It’s not, but it’s all I have that doesn’t break my ethics. But the loneliness and heartbreak I feel is a small price to pay, knowing that I haven’t played roulette with their lives.
I’ve never viewed harmful content or had trouble avoiding contact with children. As far as imagination goes there’s plenty of fantasy to explore within the confines of your own mind. Kink such as age play between legal consenting partners also works for some people. Exclusivity can be sexually frustrating but harmless outlets do exist. Even when lacking physical attraction to other adults it’s still possible to develop healthy relationships through emotional bonding with those who share similar attractions and engage in harmless fantasy.
I have fantasies, and those are plenty. I also enjoy any interactions that happen, for example, a child smiling at me and me smiling back.
Sexual contact with a child sounds pleasurable, in theory, if there were no risk of harm. But I know there’s a huge risk of harm. I want kids to be safe from harm and happy, so on balance, I do not want sexual contact with them. I posted this elsewhere:
So, a little thought experiment. You’re an adult, and you’re only attracted to adults. A curse was placed on you when you were young because of something your parents did. The person who cursed you has died, but the curse is still in effect. You believe there is no way to lift the curse. The curse is: No one will ever consent to having sex with you, to having a relationship with you, to even kissing you. Not even if you pay them. But you do have good friends.
You don’t like the idea of hurting, raping, or sexually harassing anyone. How hard is it to decide to live a celibate life? Do you feel it’s dangerous for you to be around people?
This is how I feel as a paedophile. For me, the decision was easy.
More questions and answers / Ask a questionI’ve never experienced non-exclusivity. I’ve never experienced falling for or being attracted to someone it is legal for me to be with. I don’t know what it feels like. It’s a foreign concept to me, to love someone romantically and have them love me back. I can’t really miss what I’ve never had. Sure, do I think about it sometimes what it would be like, but I know it’s not possible for me to feel that way. Being exclusively attracted to prepubescent boys is the only truth I know.
So, how do I deal with it?
I have a son who is the light of my life (short story, I was in a relationship with a woman to try and change my attractions), I have real life friends that I could not live without, I have online friends from pedophile communities that I could not live without, I have a job that I love, I have passions that I pursue and work for. I have interests that I delve into and explore. What I am trying to say is that I am so much more than my exclusive pedophilia. I have fought through intense hardships dealing with who I am and the cards I was dealt. It has taught me perseverance and tolerance. It has given me a unique perspective on life, that I get to express in many places in life. I know that life is good, and I want to live the life I’ve been given.
Yes, it absolutely does suck sometimes that I can not experience the very basic human need of feeling romantic love that can be reciprocated. But it is what it is. I have fulfilling, normal relationships with children through some of the things that I do, and I enjoy that immensly. When it comes to the sexual side of things, I have my legal outlets and they satisfy me. I can look at a child, think that he is attractive and then move on with my day. Then I can come home and think about him, without feeling the shame that I used. Because I’ve been taught the tools to deal with it in a healthy way. So what more can I do?