VirPed Panel: 28 October 2024

morbidlyfound asks;

What is the most awkward conversation you’ve had with people who didn’t know your condition?

When I was a fair bit younger (30s maybe) I always found conversations about relationships awkward, because I was deeply self conscious and ashamed about the fact that I’d never had one. At that time I was in partial denial about my attraction and I blamed my lack of relationship (and lack of trying) on extreme shyness and social awkwardness (which I’m told was probably social anxiety) but I now understand that while it was probably true that my social anxiety was a big factor, a big other factor will have been my lack of strong interest in same age women. An interest weak enough that it wasn’t able to overcome the shyness. It wasn’t that I could never get girlfriends, it was that with one doomed exception I never tried.

Anyway, long story short I found conversations with other adults about relationships the most awkward.

At this time I can’t recall any specific other ‘most’ awkward conversation.

A recent one off the top of my head: I once commented on how conventionally attractive an actress in her mid-20’s was to a couple straight male friends. Regardless of sexual orientation, I think anyone could agreed on that. Unfortunately, they now think I’m in love with her and joke about her with me.

A couple of years ago, in my early twenties, I was talking to a few colleagues at work and the subject became who we found attractive at that workplace. We all took in turns revealing who we thought was hot, and when it came to my turn they were very insistent to find out who was on my top list. This was before I started my relationship with my partner who I found on VirPed, so I wasn’t out as gay or anything. I felt incredibly awkward and had to make up a couple of names who I thought a typical teleiophile would find attractive.

Coming out as asexual would be the easy option (at least, before I actually got into a relationship), but this was the first time I was actually pelted with such questions. The people I hung out with as a teenager weren’t the sort of people who would ask questions like that, so I was totally unprepared.

Nearly close to 15 years ago, I was going to come out to a friend and midway through it, I realized this was a bad move. Thankfully, he seemed to think I was coming on to him due to a misunderstanding of what I was leading up to. I am completely straight, but it seemed preferable to have him think this rather than continue with admitting my attraction to little girls. We’re still friends, and I’m sure he still thinks I’m secretly bi.

Some colleagues once told me about a previous colleague in the same team who ran a local youth activity and who they suspected of being a pedophile, based on weird things he said, stuff one of them saw in his house and because of interest he showed in their kids Apparently he was later busted for csam possession.

I am pretty poker faced by nature, but it’s still really hard to find that balance between suspicious underreaction and suspiciously overdoing the “how horrifying” performance.

I mean, this guy offended and did creepy things, so in this case it didn’t feel hypocritical to express disapproval, even though there’s always a little part of me that wants to say “actually, we’re not all like that…”

I guess it would be every time I turn down a reasonably attractive person because I’m not attracted to them. Or any time my sexuality makes sex awkward or end early and frustratingly. Those are some very embarrassing conversations to have.

It’s mostly everytime the word pedophile is mentioned, because it is almost never in a good light. Like a former friend of mine saying he would like to personally kill all pedophiles. That’s a fun one.

Less dark;

I was talking with a former colleague, who told me that once when he was working in 7th grade, he was falsely accused of being a pedophile. And he continued, straight faced: “Imagine a pedophile working with kids.” “Yes….imagine that” I replied.