VirPed Panel: 11 November 2024

Pevensie asks;

Imagine a world where nobody can conceal when they’re attracted to someone, If someone’s attracted to you, you know as soon as they look at you and other people around can see this too. Would such a world be better or worse for pedophiles?

The optimist in me imagines that because of attractions being out in the open like this, such a world would have long ago become one in which people have truly accepted and understood that attraction isn’t chosen and therefore people with attraction to children are somewhat accepted by most.

If this was the case, in an ideal world, we would hopefully see a more understanding attitude and acceptance of pedophilia, but the pessimist in me thinks that a world in which we cannot mask our attractions, where one glance would be enough to betray an interest, could become a very difficult place to live very quickly. As things stand, we may feel a great attraction towards a certain child, but are able to control this and keep it hidden from everyone (for self-preservation as much as anything). If we were in the street, or within a social environment, our clear attraction to the child would probably cause a negative reaction from either the child themself or, more likely, from their parents. We always have plausible deniability, as long as we’re not too obvious, but this would remove even that.

I’ve imagined a scenario like the one you’ve described before, it definitely is an interesting hypothetical, this is my hypothesis.

If during this current year 2024 all attractions suddenly became visible, I think everyone would be in disbelief of just how multifaceted the human brain is. While pedophilia is one of the most common atypical attraction people experience, the list of what people find arousing tends to be larger than you might think. A little while ago I read a book dedicated to the expanse of attractions called perv: the sexual deviant in all of us by Jesse Bering. There exist much smaller percentages of people with even rarer attractions that make no sense except to the person who experiences it.

If suddenly all attractions became apparent it would not be a good day for pedophiles or any other person with atypical interests. Given the current estimates, people with attractions to children and adolescents make up about 1-3% of the general population. For the first few years to possibly decades of attractions being visible, there would likely be a lot of physical aggression and social isolation especially in developing nations. As time began to pass, I think humanity would quickly realize that there is no picking and choosing of what one finds arousing, to the right person, it just is.

The acceptance and toleration that would come after that realization however may take even longer. Eventually, people would also begin to notice the lack of correlation between behaviour and attraction. The extensive studies of human traits and simple observation would mean that sooner or later, sexual interests would not be seen as taboo or indicative of one’s morals or character, just another thing humans experience. Eventually, anti-contact MAPs would be seen as regular people dealt an unlucky hand.

Unless it were with us from the beginning, whenever it happened would cause a huge reaction. Imagine realizing the attractions held by multiple family members and multiple people in a friend group. Imagine all the people who think no one finds them attractive, suddenly realizing just how many find them attractive. Imagine classrooms where everyone knows who’s attracted to who, including attractions to and from teachers.

Also, many people with uncommon attractions are in denial. Well, that denial wouldn’t last!

I think it would be a lot for a child to suddenly notice adults and other children finding them attractive.

How many MAPs would hide themselves away at home? Would people be able to tell over video calls?

A side effect of the AIDS epidemic was that so many men were outed, it raised awareness of just how many men are gay. It still took time for attitudes to change. I think if this happened today, within 20 years, MAPs would probably reach enough acceptance for non-discrimination laws of some sort. I think it would take longer for people to accept MAPs working with kids. Also, what would happen to MAPs who are already parents? It’s hard to predict how it would play out.

I have a difficult time trying to imagine a hypothetical that makes very little intuitive sense to even contemplate. Attraction is too complex a term. For me, that term connotes possibly a physical attraction, an attraction to a personality or perhaps someone’s ability and talent. Sometimes all of the above. It seems it would be excessively confusing, subject to misunderstanding, and inevitably be a negative.

Hypotheticals are always tricky to discuss. In this hypothetical, will it be obvious to everyone who everyone else is attracted to from today onwards, or are you imagining a world where this has always been the case?

If it’s the former, where suddenly everyone’s secret attractions are public knowledge, I think it would have very negative effects for pedophiles. We would essentially have to remain in hiding, or never look at a child again, unless we wanted to risk getting publicly outed or attacked. I also think it would be bad for children, suddenly being aware of all the people who are attracted to them. How would that affect them mentally? Probably not very well. The rest of society would probably be very shocked at the sheer number of us, as well as who the pedophiles turn out to be (ordinary people, for the most part). And it’s not just pedophiles, but anyone with an unusual attraction, or even regular teleiophiles who are attracted to certain people, would have intimate and potentially embarrassing secrets exposed.

If it’s the latter, I’d like to think that if people had centuries to get used to the idea of all manners of attractions existing, then the world would be kinder to people like us, society would understand that many of us can live non-offending lives and are no threat to children. Or perhaps the stigma would remain and society would have developed a system of automatically excluding pedophiles from society once their attractions are public knowledge. That’s the problem with hypotheticals, we just don’t know for certain what would happen.

I think everyone has the right to their own private thoughts, especially when they stem from unchosen feelings, and that includes pedophiles. My sexual and romantic feelings shouldn’t be anyone else’s business unless they’re a close friend or relative who I can trust (or anonymously on places like VirPed). Society doesn’t have the right to know that I’m a pedophile, no exceptions. We are as deserving of personal freedoms and social protections as everyone else is.

I tend to think such a world would be overall worse for everyone, but it would be better for MAPs in some ways because it would prove just how commonplace and “normal” minor attraction is.

Other people have pointed out the big difference between this situation suddenly coming into being, and imagining a world where it was always the case.

The consequences of the first scenario are very scary and frankly would result in a lot of murder. It’s not nice to think about.

The second scenario doesn’t rule out scary effects either. One can imagine scenarios where a visible attraction creates instant social exclusion. I mean, racism - a form of discrimination based on a visible difference - has been with us a long time and has been institutionalised in many societies for long periods.

For adults attracted to adults, it might simplify dating, but it might complicate it too. Physical attraction alone is a poor reason to date or get together permanently with someone, but it would focus people’s efforts on the people where they have more of a chance. I suspect people would still find themselves rejecting someone where there was mutual attraction, because it just doesn’t seem like the best idea.

I guess an adult dating someone who could be a pedophile would also get that information pretty early on, without there having to be the whole agony over whether to tell or not. Maybe pedophiles would be more likely to find and date each other.

It’s possible to imagine all kinds of attempts to prohibit pedophiles initiating pregnancies, for example.

However, I guess one thing that would also happen is that we would likely see that pedophiles exist right across the world and in every place, and don’t land from another planet or shore.

I guess people would be forced to face that reaiity, including the fact that many people exhibit such attractions from a very young and vulnerable age. This could lead to different thinking than we see now about attraction versus behaviour.

The secrecy pedophiles currently maintain is partly a curse and partly a mercy. It’s a curse because it’s really hard to even seek acceptance or understanding; it’s a mercy because it keeps children unaware of being desired by so many people who would never otherwise express this; it’s a curse because the secrecy can be exploited by offending pedophiles to conceal intentions; it’s a mercy because we can’t be fired from jobs, face violence or lose housing - provided we never talk about it.

To gain the ability to live as part of society and honestly acknowledge who we are is a huge prize for us, but we do have to face the possibility that this is something that structurally would always be denied us in any realistic version of society.

Oh don’t do this to me. Don’t put this hypothetical in my head. This sounds awful. I’d be so embarrassed. Then again, so would pretty much every other human on the planet.

I suppose I’d end up finding a place for myself among people who genuinely care for me, because they’d know who I am. On the other hand, I’d perhaps be more paranoid about people finding out who I am and wanting to hurt me. Either way, I think I have the mental fortitude to just get used to it. I’ve already got used to this life, after all.

This is just one of many mind-reading scenarios that I think are interesting to consider, many of them with very creepy results.

It’s hard for me to imagine a world where it has always been like that. But we can consider how society might adapt after a sudden change and eventually reach a stable “new normal”.

If this change suddenly happened, the first thing we’d see is everybody, no matter the nature of their attractions, staying home. And looking at nothing but their own feet if forced to go out. If people could still shield their attractions while online or in voice calls, there would be a LOT more of that instead. In interacting with others, imagine some of the difficulties…Those in committed relationships are attracted to a lot of outside people. What if you’re with your spouse and everybody can see that one of you is not attracted to the other? What if you’re in a room and nobody is attracted to you, and they can all see that no one else is either? What if you’re attracted to someone that everybody else thinks is repulsive? If you’re a gay man and are attracted to a homophobic one nearby, you might get beaten up. The ordinary straight guys who are attracted to teenage girls (almost all of them) would be unable to hide. A large audience at an event who can look each other over would have mind-boggling complications.

But if we narrowed the situation down to the idea that it is only attraction of adults to children that is visible, and not other attractions, then the initial effect is a lot of violence and ostracism of pedophiles who dare to go out. Some might adopt the persona of a blind person and wear glasses that are not just dark but opaque, to be removed only in situations with a few trusted (adult!) friends. But on the other hand, where people have a pre-existing relationship with a pedophile and have found him lovable and honorable, they would have to confront the idea of non-offending pedophiles. Ultimately we get more acceptance of the condition, but lots of pedophiles would pay a terrible price during the transition.

If people really understood and trusted this, there could also be advantages based on “the dog that didn’t bark”. No need for elaborate safety protocols if you can tell in advance who poses no danger.

What happens when children find someone is attracted to them is interesting. I maintain kids are by nature more resilient and open-minded than people think. At present, they like everyone else assume we are all monsters so finding out about an attraction could be upsetting. But if as a child you and your friends detect pedophile interest pretty often in safe situations – or in unsafe situations where nothing bad happens – and still learn about the pedophile as a full human being, then it could become more accepted.