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The below are answers given by selected members of the VirPed forum who are all pedophiles. They are speaking for themselves and not for the organization.
Scaling Enthusiast asks;
Since the term ‘pedophile’ is such an emotionally charged word, how much does it affect you when used as identification on yourself(calling yourself one or getting called as such by others)? How do you rate it on a scale of 1 out of 10?
I used to self harm with the term “pedophile.” It was like a mantra playing in the back of my head as long as I was conscious, “you’re a pedophile. kill yourself. kill yourself you pedophile. pedophile. you have to die.” All day every day was filled with this line of thought running either in the back of my mind, or the front. “Pedophile” was a synonym in my head for “a bad dangerous person who is or will one day molest a kid.” That was my understanding of what I was from society.
Today, I have accepted that I am a pedophile, and reclaimed the term, so to speak. What once caused me so much shame, guilt and fear I now use to refer to myself with pride. I am proud because that is the opposite of shame. I am proud that I did not kill myself. I am proud that I am now helping other people who are struggling with this. I am proud that I have never acted on my attractions. I love myself, I love who I am, and want that for every other person out there, and that’s something that being a pedophile has given me.
When I was a teen, I looked up the word “pedophile” in our family dictionary. It said “child molester.” I thought well, that’s not the word for me. Even decades later, when I was searching out information, I avoided that word and didn’t find much. And then I was introduced to an article about non-offending pedophiles and MAPs.
Since I’m only attracted to prepubescent children, it’s the best word for me. I also like the word MAP (Minor-Attracted Person). I would rate “pedophile” as a 9 out of 10 now. I’d give it a 10 if it weren’t for the stigma and popular misunderstanding of the word.
Even though my AoA spans the full pre-pubescent and pubescent range and peaks in early adolescence, I identify myself with the term “pedophile”. I also have no problem with other MAPS or allies calling me a “pedophile” because, unlike most of society, they aren’t doing so disparagingly or in bad faith.
The word “pedophile” has only one definition: the sexual and/or romantic attraction to prepubescent children. It is unchosen and can’t be forcefully changed. It’s true that there is a lot of baggage with the word, and many people conflate it with “child molester” but that is a wider issue with the stigma that society has against us. There are other terms such as “minor attracted person” (MAP) which doesn’t have nearly as much stigma attached to it, and I certainly prefer using it when talking about these issues in public as a matter of discretion and optics, but this is because many people don’t even know about the term MAP. Once wider society becomes aware of it, it’ll probably be as stigmatized as pedophile is, unless we concentrate on fighting the stigma itself, which we won’t achieve by using different terms to describe the same thing.
The main benefit of MAP is that it is a more inclusive term. It includes nepiophilia (attraction to babies and toddlers), pedophilia (attraction to prepubescent minors) and hebephilia (attraction to pubescent minors). All pedophiles are MAPs, but not all MAPs are pedophiles. Personally I identify with the term pedophile because I am (exclusively) attracted to prepubescent children so it’s accurate for me, but it’s not accurate for all MAPs, so MAP is a better term for the whole community.
Using “pedophile” to describe myself, or others in the community using it to describe me, doesn’t affect me as it’s an accurate term and everyone in the conversation knows that it just describes unchosen feelings. If non-pedophiles were using it to be hateful, I suppose that would hurt me a little, but the hurt would come from the stigma itself and not from the specific use of the word pedophile (and over the years I’ve learned to not care about the opinions of people who don’t know me well and who I’m not friends with). I’m not sure what rating we’re talking about, on a scale of 1-10 how stigmatizing is it? How accurate is it? How commonly we use it in our own community? All depends on who you’re talking to.
Sometimes, a word develops a nasty connotation and gathers baggage. As a child, the worst insult imaginable was calling someone a homosexual. I don’t think I’d ever heard the word pedophile until substantially later in life. My self identity was that I was unique. But when I first accessed the internet and read about terms like pedophile and boy lover, it didn’t take very long to conclude they were talking about me. The terms didn’t mean that someone was having sex with children or had an overwhelming urge to do so. They generally indicated that in addition to a physical attraction, there was a strong emotional one.
Eureka, I’m a pedophile. Did that freak me out? Well no, I actually felt a sense of belonging. Reclaiming this nasty term just seemed like the right thing to do. Pedophile, BL, MAP. I’m fine with all those terms. If I need a label, I’ll use those interchangeably.
I don’t care much either way, re: “MAP” vs. “pedophile.” I’m more of a hebephile, so it isn’t terribly accurate, but I don’t find it offensive. The connotations of the word are unfortunate, but misuse of it is a good opportunity to at least attempt to educate others on the topic. I would rate it a 5 out of 10. Perfectly neutral.
It’s a fine word. I’ve stopped feeling any particular way about it. I’ve had long enough to get used to this word. I still hate hearing laypeople say it. I still love hearing close friends and allies say it. I stand between these two worlds, and don’t feel any strong emotion when I think the word to myself, for myself. I’d rate it a 5/10, perfectly average.
I don’t know how to rate it on a scale lol, but it’s a word that I was very uncomfortable with at first, but over time have gotten use to. That being said, I wouldn’t use the word if I was to come out.
There’s a thing called the euphemism treadmill and the word pedophile is part of it.
I believe it first started to be used by pedophile campaigners back in the 60s and 70s as a term they preferred to “pederast” (which focused only on the sexual instead of romantic side of this, as well as the behaviour) and “child molester” (which isn’t the same thing as the attraction).
Once it came to wider public attention via tabloid coverage of pro-contact pedophile organisations, it quickly became a terrible insult and a synonym for child sexual abuser.
Not too long after that, as a mid-teen, I realised that the proper sense of the word pedophile did describe me, and I didn’t shy from that fact. It seemed to describe what I was.
Years later when I heard of Virtuous Pedophiles I wasn’t put off by the name. I honestly believe that term describes me.
By the time I joined in with pedophile communities, the people I connected with were mostly using “minor attracted person” - which meant something distinct again. The euphemism treadmill goes on and I expect soon “map” will become a tabloid hate word too. People may attempt another reinvention. The underlying truths will not really alter.
So while I care about calling things what they are and facing them honestly, I think it’s important not to get too hung up on which term “works best” when talking about the issue. I’m sexually attracted to children and teens. Whatever word you use for that, people still react to the concept the way they were always going to: thoughtfully or with disgust or with compassion.
As well as being a pedophile, a hebephile, an ephebophile, a teleiophile, a map and a perv, I’m a human and I’m nice to people and I deserve to be more than a label. Here’s hoping I can have that someday.
As mentioned, the word that describes the concept will always eventually have a negative connotation. We try to sidestep this by coming up with new words, but they will eventually share the same fate.
MAP is also technically a more accurate term in regards to how broad it is, given that, for example, someone attracted to a 14-15 yo is not technically a pedophile. Still, I am a pedophile in that I’m attracted to pre-pubescent children, so it’s a fine descriptor.
It doesn’t bother me to be labeled this way (though certainly not in the real world), except in regards to the misunderstanding amongst much of the general populous that the word ‘pedophile’ is a direct synonym of ‘child molester’. That’s something that is due to a lack of education on the topic, though.
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. A pedophile by any other name would…
I’m not bothered by the pedophile word myself. And I’m no longer bothered by MAP. Now I feel like a chameleon. If I’m with MAPs who very much want to avoid that word, I’ll call them MAPs and identify as a MAP. If I’m talking with people with an opposite preference, especially those with some hostility who think MAP is an attempt at euphemism, I’ll happily say I’m a pedophile. If I’m going to engage someone’s limited attention span about pedophilia or minor-attraction, I’d rather not spend it on terminology but on substantive issues.
Since I was in my 50s when I finally discovered I was a pedophile, I was lucky to already have a well-formed sense of self and self-worth, so connotations of a word would not bother me. I was happy identifying as a pedophile from the moment I realized the concept applied to me.
Most of the world hates all of us whatever we call ourselves.
Lot of people have different feelings on this. Some strongly prefer to be called a map but for me personally I don’t really care. The one that matters to me is being anti contact. Anti C map or Anti C pedo, amounts to the same thing really.
More questions and answers / Ask a questionI know this question asks of current perspective, but I’d like to add my past perspective aswell.
For many years, since my teens I despised the word, and myself with it. I hated that this was who I am. This hatred was fueled by media and social medias’ view and use of the word aswell. I felt worthless and full of shame. The word brought with it so much hatred for myself.
Today? Completely different. I have come to own the word. I use it because the definition of it actually describes me. “A person sexually attracted to prepubescent children”, well guess what, I am. All the negativity that society spews when they hear the word just comes right off me, it doesn’t bother me anymore. I even used the word to describe myself to the 3 people I came out to. I wanted to own the word, and now I do. I guess I rate it 10/10 because it is the best word to describe my sexuality.