Info
The below are answers given by selected members of the VirPed forum who are all pedophiles. They are speaking for themselves and not for the organization.
We ask ourselves;
“What does it mean to you to have somewhere public you can explain your perspective on pedophilia?”
When it truly dawned on me that I was a pedophile at the age of sixteen, I did everything I could to find information on the subject. I discovered articles, blog posts and social media accounts of non-offending, anti-contact pedophiles. I didn’t have the courage to participate myself, but I passively read all these experiences, listened to various podcast episodes on the subject, and read the foward facing VirPed website several times. I remember getting emotional and almost crying at reading and hearing experiences that I could relate to. So I have first hand experience of just how powerful it is for someone just discovering their attraction to children to also discover all of these resources.
Somewhere out there, a teenager discovering for the first time that they’re a pedophile is reading the VirPed website, scrolling through the questions and answers on this very page, getting excited and nervous about finally reading experiences from people who know what they’re going through. To that teenager: you’re not alone, we know how you feel. You’re not a monster, you’re not destined to offend and there is absolutely no need to hate yourself or feel guilty. You’re human, just like anyone else, worthy of respect and compassion.
It means a lot that I get to give back to the community, after benefitting so much from previous outreach. Not only are we helping to convince members of the public, not only are we doing our bit to fight the stigma and correct misinformation, but we’re helping young, silent pedophiles who are just coming to terms with who they are, and that means the world.
My life had two distinct eras. Pre and post internet. There was a time I understood very little about myself. That was pre internet. I was a mystery, unique, I thought. So I tried not to think about sexuality, nor did I try to define or understand mine. But it did leave me with a yearning to understand myself and identify with others. The internet opened a new world.
The first relevant thing I found was a conversation between two men that was posted on the personal website of one of them. They had a conversation and they decided to put a conversation of theirs on the website, as they felt it may have meaning for others. It was about a fetish that we apparently shared and the subject of pedophilia. I was stunned that people actually talked about this stuff. I printed it out and read it again and again. That led me to a forum on the internet. From there I started meeting others like me, visiting and travelling with them and my life was transformed.
So in this case, I’m happy to contribute to an internet resource, that I know is needed. And I hope that the right people see it. It can be frustrating to know that some approach it with irrational hatred and just aren’t interested in listening to something that they call normalization or grooming. But it’s there for those that want it and need it.
When I first joined the anti-contact MAP community, it was possible (just about) to run a twitter account where you talked about the facts of pedophilia and could say you were a pedophile. It wasn’t liked by anyone, but it was considered within the rules of public discourse. Just a few years later, it basically isn’t with rare exceptions. So it means a lot to me to be able to give my side of the story, even if it’s on a website where there is less chance of being seen or understood by outsiders.
On the other hand, it isn’t my ideal. My ideal life would see me never having to come on here to write about my sexuality, because in the world I would prefer to live in, it woudln’t be controversial in itself to acknowledge that one has this unchosen condition. I’d have a partner, and it would be possible to tell the partner without risking the whole relationship; I’d pursue the job that most interested me because it would be possible to have that job without constantly anticipating public shame and dismissal if people got to know I was a pedophile. I would have lots more non-pedophile friends because I wouldn’t worry about losing them. I would have more pedophile friends too because it would be much easier to find them and they’d be far less shy about meeting up. I could introduce my non-pedophile friends to my pedophile friends if they had something in common, instead of finding that they warily avoid each other.
In short, I would much prefer to live a life where public speech wasn’t the main option I have for explaining myself. But in lieu of the private life I want, this is what I can currently get, and it’s better than total silence on the subject forever.
I wish we had more of this sort of thing. Talking is really nice.
As someone who has been de-platformed for speaking out about anti-contact minor attraction, having the opportunity to speak up in a place that I know will elevate my words instead of hide them or remove them, is quite nice. I hope that some people read them and find them helpful, though I will still continue trying to talk to people who need help and resources anywhere that I can.
Growing up as an American boy, I always held the freedom of speech to be of extreme importance. Though I always knew that the difference between the government preventing the person from talking about a subject through threat of imprisonment and a private organization not allowing you to say something through their platform, this distinction wasn’t particularly relevant before the age of social media. Now, there’s not really a publicly owned place on the internet that is a bastion of free speech in this way. Instead, all places nearly everyone visits are owned by corporations. The internet is far from the loosely latticed islands of individual expression that it was comprised of in its early days.
While I support the right of every private organization to allow what is said through the site that they own (Virped does this too, after all), this unfortunately creates a de facto chilling effect on the expression of free speech when it’s speech that’s not allowed anywhere. Thankfully, one can still create their own small island of individual expression, even if its viewer count will be perpetually dwarfed by the big social media sites. Our words are unpopular because very few can visualize what it’s like to be us, and the only people that most have seen that are like us pertaining to our attractions are predators, lying in wait to pounce and abuse. They claim that we are normalizing pedophilia. Many likely imagine us to be doing this in a preemptive way to clear the path for those that will push it further in order to make it OK to sexually abuse their children. In truth, I don’t doubt that there are those that would try this if our words eventually garnered more sympathy, but the anti-contact voice has grown strong. The best way to fight awful speech is with more speech.
I don’t expect what we’re doing here to change much in my lifetime, but it’s a seed that will hopefully eventually take root. One must plant trees under in which shade they shall never sit.
More questions and answersI grew up in the age of the internet, but for many years I did not dare to look up anything related to what I was, because I was so scared. When I finally, randomly stumbled upon VirPed, my life changed. Fast forward to today when I am in a position where I can publically talk about pedophilia in more than one venue, and it feels just nothing short of incredible. And I do not think there’s many words I can use to explain just how much it means.
I finally get to explain my life, explain what I’ve been dealing with, without hiding anything. Where the reasonings for decisions I have made, actually make sense to people because they know the whole story.
To have an audience, albeit small, listen to my informed opinion on why further stigmatisation of pedophiles does the opposite of protecting children, is something I never actually imagine I would have.
In relation to Ask the VirPed panel, we’ve had a lot of great questions to answer. With the page now containing the experience, perspectives and opinions of many pedophiles on a variety of issues, it has truly meant a lot to get it out there. I hope that the page is able to sow a tiny seed in people’s minds about how it is to be minor-attracted, and what kind of people we are.
Lastly I have hope for the VirPed website, that a teenager just discovering their pedophilia can find us and realize that they are not alone. For them to be able to read our words and be comforted that life does not have to be horrible even though they have an unchosen attraction. And for them to find belonging in either our community or another anti-contact community.