A Young Person in My Family or Friendship Circle Is in Trouble Over Illegal Behavior

First of all, we are so sorry your family is undergoing this difficult, painful experience. You have our deepest sympathies.

This is a genuine crisis. But this young person has their whole life ahead of them. They have broken the law, potentially with serious consequences, but they have never needed your love and support more than they need it now. And if you have had the courage to visit our website, there is a good chance you feel a calling to provide that support. We can help.

First of all, take a deep breath. Second, make sure you have effective, knowledgeable legal representation.

Then find out the facts as best you can. Perhaps your young relative can tell you what happened, but perhaps they are so overwhelmed with shame and remorse that they either lie or shut down completely. Try to be patient, particularly if they are especially young. Impulsive, driven, even violent behavior is relatively common, particularly in young men. Life is not over, and there is time for this young person to grow into a less impulsive, more mature individual.

Direct offenses against a minor are very serious, whether in the form of in-person molestation, online grooming or the creation of illegal images. If this is what has happened, this young person will have to accept their responsibility for this and future behavior. But the legal process is frightening, complex, and time-consuming. If you can provide emotional support during this ordeal, they have a lot better chance of making it through to the other side.

It is more common for the illegal behavior to involve CSEM (child sexual exploitation material, also known as child pornography). This is also a very serious charge, but it is important to remember that many individuals who use CSEM have no history of sexual contact with children.

Using CSEM does not necessarily imply they are a pedophile. Some people who use CSEM are not. Some are but feel there are strong reasons not to admit it.

If this young person is a pedophile, they probably felt uncomfortable sharing the detail with others. They did not choose this attraction. Some children who are sexually abused themselves at a young age can become prematurely sexually preoccupied and develop their own issues with attraction to younger children as a direct result of their abuse. However, this is not always the case. Unless a parent encouraged or facilitated the abuse, it is unlikely that a parent is in any way responsible for their child’s attraction or sexual behavior.

Whether they are a pedophile or not, problems with family, job/school, and finances will be overwhelming when a person is under investigation without the allegation being proven.

It is very difficult for young people to avoid sexual images on the internet. Young pedophiles may well be aware that sexual images of children are illegal. Unfortunately they are relatively easy to find and can be very addictive. This young person may or may not have an attraction to their peers and it is very difficult for young people to completely ignore their sexual drive, even if we are uncomfortable about this. Many people who consume CSEM do not go on to become contact offenders.

Now that the issue is known, you can start to deal with it. This young person needs help to understand the extent of the problems and identify appropriate treatment. With such treatment, they can show law enforcement that they are addressing the behavior.

If the young person is attracted to children, there is not treatment to “fix” this attraction but there are a number of interventions that can occur to reduce illegal, problematic behaviors. If you help this young person to access these services, not only may you save their life, you are helping to protect other children.

The Lucy Faithfull Foundation in the UK offer a forum for family members and friends of people who have been viewing sexual images of children or sexually communicating with a child online.