Thank you for contacting VirPed. We are sorry to hear your friend is having legal difficulties. Just by contacting us, you are proving yourself to be the best kind of friend.
The first thing to say is that at the moment there are allegations, and probably evidence, but it is the start of the process.
If this is about a direct offense against a child, whether in-person molestation, making illegal images or through online grooming, this is a very serious offense and involves grave consequences. If you want to be involved at all, it could be important to determine whether your friend is admitting or denying the offense. Once you have this information, you may or may not be able to offer assistance. Most people find this too hard. Others feel that they can help the person accused and/or the family in general. This doesn’t have to involve picking a side.
It is more common for the illegal behavior to involve CSEM (child sexual exploitation material, also known as child pornography). This is also a very serious charge, but it is important to remember that many individuals who use CSEM have no history of sexual contact with children.
Many people find themselves compulsively viewing illegal images on the internet. Some individuals hide their sexual interests but find themselves drawn to images on the internet that start “innocently” but which become more provocative over time.
Using CSEM does not necessarily imply they are a pedophile. Some people who use CSEM are not. Some are but feel there are strong reasons not to admit it.
If your friend is a pedophile then it is likely they have lived with the painful secret much of their life and this is an additional stress in the situation. Whether they are or not, problems with family, job, and finances will be overwhelming when a person is under investigation without the allegation being proven. If anyone ever needs a friend, it is your friend.
You can offer them a listening ear. If your friend is in denial, just justifying their behaviors or complaining about the system, there is probably not a lot you can offer. You cannot solve your friend’s problems, you can only support them while they work on those problems themselves.
If you can support your friend while they seek treatment and undergo the legal process, while reminding them of the positive qualities that drew you to them in the first place, you can make the world better for your friend and safer for children. The situation is ugly now, but this might be your friend’s first chance to face their problems, even if the cost is high. And you will be a big part of making that happen.
The Lucy Faithfull Foundation in the UK offer a forum for family members and friends of people who have been viewing sexual images of children or sexually communicating with a child online.
Firstly, thank you for coming to this website to find out more. Whether this news has made you panic or made you thoughtful, we can hopefully give you some perspective on the secret you now know.
Our forum is a peer-support community. We help pedophiles anonymously and honestly discuss their experiences and feelings. We don’t allow image sharing, justification of adult-child sexual contact or encouragement of illegal behavior. Moderators enforce these rules. All posts are written in English.
When people contact Virtuous Pedophiles, the message they write comes to us. The people we hear from most are other virtuous pedophiles. Here are some of the initial messages we have received. Reading them will give a flavor of our diversity, the themes that come up over and over again, and a hint at how many of us there are.
Read about the life experiences of virtuous pedophiles
Our panel of VirPed forum members spent 2024 answering questions about pedophlia-related issues based on their life experiences and answered questions from the curious.