I Figured Out That a Young Person in My Family or Friendship Circle Is a Non-Offending Pedophile

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  • I figured out that a young person in my family or friendship circle is a non-offending pedophile

You’ve discovered something that this young person is struggling with, and which they are probably not planning to tell anyone about. There could be many reasons why they haven’t told you, for instance:

  • They are afraid how you would take it.
  • They are close to children in their lives and worry you will feel that is inappropriate.
  • They just wouldn’t tell anyone, or limit it to people they are more certain will react well.

There are different ways which you might have found out. Perhaps:

  • You found out that they are a part of support communities for minor pedophiles or engage with a therapy program for pedophiles.
  • Someone that knew about them decided to tell you.
  • You found legal pictures of children on their electronic devices.

If somebody told you about this without the young person’s permission, why did they tell you? What other information did they give you and will they talk about this more?

You will have feelings about what you discovered, for example:

  • You’re shocked, and you can’t think about this now.
  • You’re shocked, but you want to think and learn more, but not talk to the young person yet
  • You’re not really surprised, because there have been things in the past that now make sense
  • You want to talk to the young person as soon as possible about what you have discovered.

There is nothing wrong with pausing and taking the time you need to consider your next move. There is no emergency if nobody seems at risk.

If you’re now second guessing the relationships the young person has with children in their life, such as siblings, cousins or children through work/volunteering, there are a few things to think about.

Does this young person show any other behavior with children that seems unusual for their respective ages? For example, do they significantly prefer to spend time with younger children or a chosen younger child over peer relationships? Has anyone ever raised this with them in a non-judgemental way?

You know this person better than we do. You will have a feeling about whether they are a danger to others.

If you found legal pictures of children on their phone and computer, we understand that it might be a disturbing discovery. However, it may help you to learn more about how non-abusing pedophiles cope with their attractions in this way and similar ways.

You could start by reading through our resources to learn more, reach out to us for advice, or potentially join our forum for friends and family .

Alternatively you could look for an independent person, like a counsellor via an organization such as ASAP International

Once you have taken time to think, you may want to consider if any further step is appropriate.   There will be reasons the young person hasn’t spoken to you directly about this, and being confronted about it might produce difficult reactions.

If you are not the young person’s parent, a direct conversation with the young person may not be appropriate anyway, but you may also need to gauge the possible negative effects of raising this with their parents, who may or may not be aware, and haven’t had a chance to think about it themselves yet.

We don’t know how the young person or their parents will react to you starting a conversation. Some pedophiles in this situation will become afraid and may deny or cover up. Some parents will understandably defend their child from what might seem like an accusation. This may depend on whether they think the young person will immediately get into trouble, or that important relationships might be endangered.

Many pedophiles do not talk about their attractions until it feels somewhat safe to do so. Many pedophiles who have people they are out to report that after the initial conversation, there are no further ones. We think it is important to create space and time where the conversation can continue. Whether you remain in the conversation long term will depend on your relationship with the young person.

If the young person confirms you are right and that they are a pedophile, there is some advice from Talking for Change about what to do if someone comes out to you . If the young person is under the age of 18, you can suggest they join MSC . If they’re over 18 you can make them aware of this website.

If you are comfortable giving more details about your specific situation, you can email us with questions or to ask to join our forum for friends and family , which sits alongside and overlaps with our main forum for adult pedophiles. 



Firstly, thank you for coming to this website to find out more. Whether this news has made you panic or made you thoughtful, we can hopefully give you some perspective on the secret you now know.

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Our forum is a peer-support community. We help pedophiles anonymously and honestly discuss their experiences and feelings. We don’t allow image sharing, justification of adult-child sexual contact or encouragement of illegal behavior. Moderators enforce these rules. All posts are written in English.

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When people contact Virtuous Pedophiles, the message they write comes to us. The people we hear from most are other virtuous pedophiles. Here are some of the initial messages we have received. Reading them will give a flavor of our diversity, the themes that come up over and over again, and a hint at how many of us there are.

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Our panel of VirPed forum members spent 2024 answering questions about pedophlia-related issues based on their life experiences and answered questions from the curious.

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