My Life-Partner Is in Trouble Over Illegal Behavior

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We are so sorry this is happening to you and your family. It may feel like your world is coming apart.

But remember, human beings are incredibly resilient. You have already taken a big step in reaching out to VirPed.

Right now we have allegations, which may or may not be true. Your partner will need effective legal representation from an experienced attorney.

Then you need to ask your life partner if the allegations are true. If they admit to abusive sexual contact with minors, in person, through making images or through online contact, you may well need to get your own attorney, and seriously reconsider your relationship. Pedophiles who abuse children have lived a secret life where important boundaries have been broken. If you have children together, their physical and emotional safety needs to be prioritized until you get more information.

It is more common for the illegal behavior to involve CSEM (child sexual exploitation material, also called child pornography). This is also a very serious charge, but it is important to remember that many individuals who use CSEM have no history of sexual contact with children.

What you do know is that your life partner has interests that they are not handling appropriately. It may be that this revelation is so painful that you decide you can no longer stay in the relationship, and need to prioritize your emotional safety and the rest of your family’s. You have every right to make that decision.

But this may be someone you love very much. If you want to, you should not be afraid to get their side of the story. They may have been struggling with this for years. It may well have escalated over time. If your life partner is in complete denial over the legal issues, and claims nothing happened despite clear evidence to the contrary, that is different than if they are facing the facts.

This crisis may instead help them to be honest about being sexually addicted to CSEM. It is a tragedy they did not ask for help before, but with the right support they may be able to address the issue now.

Using CSEM does not necessarily imply they are a pedophile, although most probably are. Some people who use CSEM are not. Some are but feel there are strong reasons not to admit it.

Whether they are a pedophile or not, problems with family, work and finances will be overwhelming when a person is under investigation without the allegation being proven.

if they are a pedophile, it does not mean your entire relationship was a lie. Most pedophiles also have some attraction to adults, even if the minor attraction is more powerful. It does not mean you are not loved.

You don’t have to decide today what you will do tomorrow. The legal process can be long, confusing, and complicated. Your life partner is in distress. You are in distress. There is help for addiction, but only if the sufferer seeks it out.

If your partner wants a new life and is willing to go to any lengths to get it, things may work out over time. But you cannot do it for them. It is not your job to force them to change. If they just want everything to go back to the way it was before, which is not realistic, then you have a decision to make about how or whether you will offer them support as their partner .

Reach out for the counseling and support you need. Understand you are not alone. You can and will survive this.

The Lucy Faithfull Foundation in the UK offer a [forum for family members and friends] (https://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/ ) of people who have been viewing sexual images of children or sexually communicating with a child online.



Firstly, thank you for coming to this website to find out more. Whether this news has made you panic or made you thoughtful, we can hopefully give you some perspective on the secret you now know.

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Our forum is a peer-support community. We help pedophiles anonymously and honestly discuss their experiences and feelings. We don’t allow image sharing, justification of adult-child sexual contact or encouragement of illegal behavior. Moderators enforce these rules. All posts are written in English.

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